The Inner Universe

The only escape from the daily grind is found deep within our inner universes.

It occurs to me that the reason I often find myself depressed or perpetually disappointed with the actions of humanity is because I don’t have anything to make me forget the harsh realities of the world. Some people drink to forget, but I refuse to let my body or mind be influenced by an outside substance. Some people do drugs to forget, but I would rather have complete control of my thoughts than be a slave to some foreign chemical. Some people sleep with multiple partners to forget, but I would rather have control of my emotions and only give my devotion and complete love to my husband.

It’s funny how hard life is to live when you are forced to think about it. The curse of being a writer, an artist, a musician, or any other type of creator is that you feel too deep. You think too much. You question what shouldn’t be questioned. This isolates you as a person. We are all isolated. We are all seeking answers to life’s problems that don’t exist. We are alone. Without worldly things to distract us, our lives appear meaningless. Religion distracts us. Politics distract us. All these trivial things pile up in layers and try to turn our eyes from a truth that is not there to begin with.

Some people find pleasure in this confusion, in the unknown. A life without explanation to others is hell. I’m somewhere in-between. Everything in life is so predictable to me, yet even the predictable things still have the potential of surprising me at times. I have stripped myself of everything in the process of the last six years; no religion, no political party, no money, no job, no education; I’ve gone without it all. I have no labels, yet I find I can identify better with others than when I had all of these titles attached to me. I’m just me, take it or leave it. No more, no less.

I wonder if people can see those shinning flecks at night; the ones where, if you concentrate hard enough you can see the shapes of other worlds. No one besides me has ever said they can see them; see these windows into other worlds. I wonder if there are people that can sing with angels and bind evil in chains. The songs are mysterious and make me cry when I recite them; this music that our very universe was crafted from note by note. I wonder if people can see the supernatural, can feel people’s emotions, can catch glimpses of the future. If they could, they couldn’t say it. These things become the product of fiction and get buried in the public consciousness.

I wonder if others have been held in the arms of God. There are people that say they have, but one look at their eyes tells me they are lying. Perhaps all of the true things of the world are lost in time or burnt to the ground and only the false accounts of history and spiritual experience survive. We have an inner universe, you know. A universe that is more vast than the ones scientists spy in their telescopes. I think we retreat within our inner universes when we die. We can visit other universes and pretty soon everything becomes blurred.

We realize there is no meaning to anything because there are only distant stars of imagination guiding us. All the sensible people of the world are crazy. Have you ever noticed this? I think I am losing my mind because I have seen too many stars; too many shapes in the dark. I am glad that people can’t see what I see; many people couldn’t handle the truth. Yet this truth is what gives me freedom from the chains of this world. I would rather be alone and liberated than surrounded by illusions of reality, bound by the limitations of my own mind.

There are no words that can ever effectively capture what you mean. There are no actions that can out speak words; although some profess they are louder. There are no thoughts that can rationalize a word or an action. Writing is a sort of magic that springs from the soul and the hand and the pen or other writing utensil you are using. You can’t rationalize it. No science can explain it. Yet, in 100,000,000 years everything written will be gone. All people will vanish, or will be existing in another location or form. We are the aliens; the universe fears us.

Existence is freedom. Freedom is found within; in that inner universe that goes beyond understanding and often visits us in our dreams. We all live in it without realizing it is there. We are all Indigo, Star Seed, Crystal, and Rainbow Children. We are all changing reality from within.

Some Reflections

We can only find peace in our inner universe.

Do you ever feel like you are living life in a dream-like state you wish you could wake up from? I feel like that now. I’m waiting to wake up from this dream. I am waiting to feel alive. I only feel alive when I am laughing. Does anyone else feel this way? The problem is that it is hard to laugh these days. I am laughing out of habit, because I have been trained to laugh. I think I am the only one who understands my jokes. It is a good thing I am not going to become a comedian.

I distance myself from others because I don’t want to be a burden. The only problem is that I am still a burden to myself. I live in isolation. I am isolated even from myself. Who is this person that stares back at me in the mirror? I am not so sure. Can anyone ever truly know themselves? I think that takes a lifetime to figure out. People are constantly changing. We try to change for the better, but what is right? What is wrong? I’m not so sure anymore.

Anything that takes away the freedom and rights from another person is wrong. Taxes take away our freedom to decide what we do with our money. Is it wrong to tax people on this basis? Maybe what is ‘wrong’ is anything that causes another person pain. We all have our enemies, the greatest one being ourselves. If we cause ourselves pain, are we wrong? If we cry out of happiness, are we right? What is wrong I wonder? What is good?

In a general sense, ‘good’ is anything that makes you feel liberated while liberating others around you. Yet it is wrong to make the choice of who is liberated and who is not. This is being biased. So what is good? We all try to live good lives to begin with but what does that mean? What does living a bad life mean? Some people survive purely on animal instinct. Is this wrong or is this truly going back to our roots?

Are the villains in our lives really villains? Are we the villains? I think it is a matter of perspective. We are the product of culture. As my mom puts it, “We are the product of everyone we have ever met in our lives”. This is partly true, but we are also our own selves, forming identities through likes and dislikes that resonate from our souls. Can souls be good? Can souls be bad? Are they neutral? What drives a person to hurt others?

Is it a mental illness? Has their soul always been that way? Are they really demons in disguise? Are they possessed by evil entities or spirits? Do they think too much? Are they Godless? Do they have too much God? What makes people good? Heroics? Selflessness? A willingness to love others? Are these things really good or just the product of culture? We are all serving a sentence, eh? We are all prisoners of this earth. We are all here for life. Sometimes we are here for multiple lives. Sometimes we escape this world only to find ourselves on a worse-off planet.

Sometimes we go back through time. Sometimes we see things we don’t understand. Sometimes things happen to us that cannot be explained. This is all an illusion. We know nothing. We get caught up in things that are irrelevant. We read too much into the written words of other people. Feelings can’t be recorded no matter how hard we try. We are prisoners of our emotions. We are prisoners of the world and all of its limited resources. We are counting the sentence down from billions of years ago to the present today. The Earth will continue spinning long after our sentence is up.

We are strangers to ourselves. We understand nothing. Yet, we can find meaning in the most trivial things, even when there is no meaning. The more you understand yourself, the more you understand others. That is what they say. ‘They’ being that subconscious community of fools that lies at the heart of every society. The ‘Wes’ and ‘Theys’ that we follow. We are all prisoners of ourselves; only our inner universe can set us free.

1985 Twilight Zone Series Review

Title screen from the 1985 Twilight Zone series.

A little known paranormal series, the 1985 Twilight Zone production ran three seasons from September 27, 1985 to April 15, 1989. Season one ran from 1985–1986 and had twenty-four episodes. Season two ran from 1986-1987 and had eleven episodes. Season three ran from 1988-1989 and had thirty episodes. The series had a total of sixty-five episodes. The series had two different narrators during its television run, Charles Aidman who worked on the show from 1985 to 1987 and Robin Ward who took over and narrated the episodes from 1988 to 1989.

Writers such as Harlan Ellison, George R. R. Martin, Rockne S. O’Bannon, Jeremy Bertrand Finch, and Paul Chitlik wrote screenplays for the show. It was directed by many different talents including Wes Craven and William Friedkin. Many different mainstream stars made their appearance in the series including Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, Season Hubley, Morgan Freeman, Martin Landau, Jonathan Frakes, and Fred Savage. The theme music was composed by Jerry Garcia and performed by The Grateful Dead.

Although the episodes were not always at the same level of genius of the original 1959 television series, there were some great gems to be found. This included many of the feel-good episode themes found in season one such as in episode 6B ‘A Message From Charity’ about two teenagers who have a telepathic connection through time. Season two explored more of the bizarre concepts of the Twilight Zone but the episodes didn’t carry the same weight as the first season. Season three seemed to have a good balance of both worlds.

The highlight of the show is that is does its best to stay true to the spirit of the original series, even going as far as retaining some of the classic dialog, fifties culture, and similar production themes. One of the drawbacks is that it is somewhat of a victim of the time it was produced, sometimes getting lost in the 80s music culture, fashions, and female stereotypes that make similar 80s entertainment unbearable to watch at times.

The original 1959 television series, the 1970 standalone series Night Gallery, and the 1983 Twilight Zone Movie will always stand out as the best creations of the franchise. I would also recommend the 2002 Twilight Zone series. In some ways it surpassed the 1985 series even though it didn’t receive as much recognition or praise. However, if you are looking for a good paranormal series and want to delve into 1980s nostalgia, the 1985 television series is for you. You can find it online if you know where to look. Many online distributors still carry the DVD sets as well.


An Angry Blue And White Bird

It’s an angry blue and white bird.

An Angry Blue And White Bird
by LyraAlluse on deviantART