Do you ever feel like you are living life in a dream-like state you wish you could wake up from? I feel like that now. I’m waiting to wake up from this dream. I am waiting to feel alive. I only feel alive when I am laughing. Does anyone else feel this way? The problem is that it is hard to laugh these days. I am laughing out of habit, because I have been trained to laugh. I think I am the only one who understands my jokes. It is a good thing I am not going to become a comedian.
I distance myself from others because I don’t want to be a burden. The only problem is that I am still a burden to myself. I live in isolation. I am isolated even from myself. Who is this person that stares back at me in the mirror? I am not so sure. Can anyone ever truly know themselves? I think that takes a lifetime to figure out. People are constantly changing. We try to change for the better, but what is right? What is wrong? I’m not so sure anymore.
Anything that takes away the freedom and rights from another person is wrong. Taxes take away our freedom to decide what we do with our money. Is it wrong to tax people on this basis? Maybe what is ‘wrong’ is anything that causes another person pain. We all have our enemies, the greatest one being ourselves. If we cause ourselves pain, are we wrong? If we cry out of happiness, are we right? What is wrong I wonder? What is good?
In a general sense, ‘good’ is anything that makes you feel liberated while liberating others around you. Yet it is wrong to make the choice of who is liberated and who is not. This is being biased. So what is good? We all try to live good lives to begin with but what does that mean? What does living a bad life mean? Some people survive purely on animal instinct. Is this wrong or is this truly going back to our roots?
Are the villains in our lives really villains? Are we the villains? I think it is a matter of perspective. We are the product of culture. As my mom puts it, “We are the product of everyone we have ever met in our lives”. This is partly true, but we are also our own selves, forming identities through likes and dislikes that resonate from our souls. Can souls be good? Can souls be bad? Are they neutral? What drives a person to hurt others?
Is it a mental illness? Has their soul always been that way? Are they really demons in disguise? Are they possessed by evil entities or spirits? Do they think too much? Are they Godless? Do they have too much God? What makes people good? Heroics? Selflessness? A willingness to love others? Are these things really good or just the product of culture? We are all serving a sentence, eh? We are all prisoners of this earth. We are all here for life. Sometimes we are here for multiple lives. Sometimes we escape this world only to find ourselves on a worse-off planet.
Sometimes we go back through time. Sometimes we see things we don’t understand. Sometimes things happen to us that cannot be explained. This is all an illusion. We know nothing. We get caught up in things that are irrelevant. We read too much into the written words of other people. Feelings can’t be recorded no matter how hard we try. We are prisoners of our emotions. We are prisoners of the world and all of its limited resources. We are counting the sentence down from billions of years ago to the present today. The Earth will continue spinning long after our sentence is up.
We are strangers to ourselves. We understand nothing. Yet, we can find meaning in the most trivial things, even when there is no meaning. The more you understand yourself, the more you understand others. That is what they say. ‘They’ being that subconscious community of fools that lies at the heart of every society. The ‘Wes’ and ‘Theys’ that we follow. We are all prisoners of ourselves; only our inner universe can set us free.