A Final Goodbye

Naya waited in a local cafe situated above one of the many subway stations that cut their way beneath downtown New York. It seemed like she had been waiting forever for her beloved niece Avery to arrive.

A Final Goodbye

A short story by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: Naya waits in a local cafe for a niece she has not seen since her sudden disappearance long ago. When she is finally reunited with the beloved family member she views as a daughter, she learns about the nature of her disappearance which leads her to some shocking realizations of her own.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3258535/1/A-Final-Goodbye

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/A-Final-Goodbye-546396149

Original Link 3: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/A_Final_Goodbye

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A Final Goodbye

By: Emma Lee Downs

This is my entry into Koromo and Empy’s Song Competition. The song I was given to work with was Like A Stone by Audioslave.

Update: This story was listed as second place in the winning circle! Thank you to EmpyrealInvective and The Koromo for the listing. You can read more about this here: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:EmpyrealInvective/Koromo_and_Empy%27s_Song_Competition

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“On a cob web afternoon, In a room full of emptiness, By a freeway I confess, I was lost in the pages of a book full of death; Reading how we’ll die alone. And if we’re good we’ll lay to rest, Anywhere we want to go.”

-Like A Stone, Audioslave

Naya waited in a local cafe situated above one of the many subway stations that cut their way beneath downtown New York. It seemed like she had been waiting forever for her beloved niece Avery to arrive. It had been so long since she’d seen her niece that…no, she didn’t want to think about how lonely she had been without her. She didn’t want to remember the day that Avery had left her those many years ago.

Avery had come to live with Naya at the age of three when her own mother could no longer take care of her. Naya’s sister Helen had struggled with her alcohol addiction for years. Naya always had the feeling she’d end up raising her niece one day if Helen didn’t clean up her act and she was right. She claimed the custody of her niece when she was three years old, under the instruction of a city attorney. Somehow her niece had gone missing from her life after only two years of raising her as her own child. Little Avery was only five years old when she disappeared into the vast oceans of people and buildings that gave New York its reputation of swallowing faint hearted people alive. Naya’s sister never forgave her for losing sight of her.

New York is a big city. Many items have been lost to its streets, parks, and alleys never to be recovered. It was a city where things and people disappeared in a flash of a second and neither was easily found. Despite this fact, Naya always thought she would find Avery. She always hoped she would see her playing outside one of the downtown shops when she was running errands for the law firm she worked at. Avery would run up to her giggling and Naya would take her home to her apartment where she would make sure that she would never lose sight of her again. She always imagined that she could see her when she took long strolls in Central Park, engrossed in thoughts about the times they once shared together.

Now, Naya was so mixed up inside. She didn’t know whether she was happy or frightened to see the person she loved like a daughter again after four years of being apart. Little Avery would be nine years old now. One of the regulars of the café told her that she saw her niece hanging around the lobby a few days ago. Naya had posted her picture on the walls with her name and address in the hope that someone would find her. Avery looked older, but the man who found her niece said he would have recognized her facial features anywhere from the pictures she had posted.

Naya came to the cafe every night since the regular had told her the details of her niece’s whereabouts in the hope of finding her again. She would do anything to have her niece in her arms after spending so many years apart. She was tired of living her life alone. She was tired of the guilt that she had been lugging around for five years from losing her. Her sister’s inebriated curse words stuck out the most in her mind.

“I hate that you are my sister. I hate you more than anyone. Damn you. I hope you rot in hell.”

The drunken words Helen screamed at her the night her daughter went missing often played over and over like a broken record in Naya’s mind. They made her hate herself more and more the longer she was apart from her niece. They made her want to curl up somewhere and let herself waste away to nothing. She had felt worthless ever since she heard had them. She could not face her sister ever since the loss in both of their lives had taken place.

Tonight, the service was slow and when the waitress did speak to her, the young woman with red hair pulled into a ponytail told her that she would meet her niece soon. Naya had talked to the regular at the café who had originally seen her niece and said that she had also seen Avery playing by the subway a few times as well. The regular at the cafe insisted that she had seen Avery hanging around these parts since last August, but Naya had yet to see her walk through the glass doors of the small establishment. She had been waiting for her niece to show up for a while now and had somehow found the courage to pull herself out of her depressive haze, if only for a while, at the prospect of seeing Avery walk through the front entrance. Perhaps this evening would be the moment when she could finally own up to the fact that there were some things in this world that were out of her hands and could not be faced alone.

She couldn’t explain why she was waiting here; she felt completely disoriented. One minute she was driving home and the next moment…she wasn’t sure what happened. Naya assumed that she had stopped at this place because she knew Avery would be here. Maybe she possessed some kind of ESP. Naya remembered that her sister told her once that all aunts have psychic abilities that tell them when their family needs them most. That was one of the many things that make aunts special.

Helen had told her that gem of wisdom before Avery had gone missing from their lives. Naya knew that her sister would say that all family is worthless if they had the same conversation these days. Helen lost her last reason to retain some sort of sanity in her life when her daughter went missing. She started knocking back eight beers a night. The last time Naya heard anything about her, she was serving time in the State penitentiary for being caught drunk behind the wheel for the third time.

Naya kept drawing a complete blank. She knew that she couldn’t be dreaming. She felt the warm air of a heater on a nearby table blowing in her face. This had to be real. She couldn’t remember when she had showed up to the cafe. There were other people sitting next to her table. Some were sitting by themselves, looking out the window facing out onto Twelfth Avenue deep in thought. Others are laughing with old acquaintances.

It made Naya wish that her niece was sitting at the table with her. After she pictured Avery’s brown curly hair and blue eyes in her mind she saw her walk through the door of the café like a vision come to life. All Naya could feel was a combination of relief and excitement. Avery began to talk to her but she did not hear the words. An overwhelming feeling of happiness overtook her body. Naya finally worked up the courage to give her niece one of her famous “Aunty Naya” hugs, ignoring what she had just told her. She smiled and took Naya’s hand.

“Don’t worry Aunt Naya; I’ll never leave you again,” She heard Avery say as Naya took her hand and lead her out of the café to the entrance of the nearby subway station.

After receiving a pair of tickets, the two hoped onto one of the subway trains together, holding each other’s hands. The subway seemed to travel down the set of old steel tracks for ages as it speed out of the city and cut through the rolling hills of a green valley. Small towns popped up every once in a while between each stretch of landscape Naya and Avery passed on the way to their final destination. On their way home to start a new life, Naya asked Avery where she had been all of those years.

“With dad,” Avery had replied.

“Dad took me back and made me live with him. I was so afraid to leave. But daddy said I would be all right. He took me to the place we are going. He told me you would probably be at the café if I met you at the right time. I wanted to be the first person to find you no matter what.”

Naya all at once felt very weak in the knees. Avery’s father had died a few months before she was born. Her niece had to be mistaken. Perhaps some man like her father had been taking care of her but…no that didn’t seem right. Naya stared down at her niece who was smiling up at her. A headache stared to form at the back of her head but everything was staring to become clearer now. It was the fact she had assumed that she’d stopped at the café on her way home from work that got her to thinking. Naya never remembered reaching the café in her car. It was as if she had just shown up there and started waiting for her niece to arrive.

It made little sense that they were taking the subway since Naya had supposedly showed up at the café in her car. And the two had no reason to be heading out of the city. Naya lived in an apartment not far from where the Café was situated. She just had to jump in her car and take the freeway to the downtown area and…the freeway. Another wave a pain shot through her head as she started to recall all of the moments leading up to sitting in the café.

She remembered that she was driving on the freeway, headed to meet with a café regular about a possible sighting of her niece. That is when a truck had started to tailgate her from behind. Frustrated, she had tried to go faster but the truck caught up with her again. This speeding game continued for a while until the truck became impatient and attempted to pass her on the side. But he didn’t have enough room and he ended up sliding into the side of her car.

The last thing she remembered was a tall, lanky man banging on her car window. He was yelling through the window, asking over and over if she was okay. She looked around her and saw that the car was turned upside-down. For some reason she couldn’t move any of her limbs. She could only hear the man saying that he had called for an ambulance and to hold on as everything had faded into darkness. And then she had ended up in that café, waiting for her niece like nothing had happened.

Naya felt her emotions wash over her like a wave. She put her arms around Avery and held her for what seemed like an eternity. Naya held her niece for so long that Avery had fallen sleep in her arms. Naya laid her niece gently on her lap to allow her to continue resting. She took her cellphone out of her purse after a while and scrolled through the list of names in her contact list to her sister’s cell phone number. She knew she couldn’t reach Helen by the number in her cellphone. Helen was locked up behind bars on account of her latest drinking incident and there was no way she could personally visit the State Prison to get any message about her daughter’s whereabouts to her now that she had passed on. Holding the cellphone in her hand, Naya left a single text message on her sister’s cellphone knowing she would probably never receive it.

It read, “I found Avery. You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m going to make sure that she is happy from now on.”

“If Helen is ever sober enough to get her cellphone privileges back, there is a chance she might finally know that I have reunited with her daughter. Maybe then she will be comforted knowing that I intend to care for Avery until it is her turn to return home,” Naya thought to herself as she slipped the cellphone into her purse and watched Avery sleep on her lap as the subway train pressed on far outside the boundaries of New York city limits.

After traveling for a few hours, the two of them finally reached their old home in the suburbs where the two of them had once lived before Naya moved to the city. She had rented a small apartment to have easier access to the café people had reported to see her niece hanging around. It was also within walking distance of her job. She thought about who would take care of her apartment now that she was gone. She wondered what would happen to all of her possessions. It was a strange feeling pondering everything that would happen after she was dead.

The subway reached the suburban area where Naya’s house had once been located. She assumed that it was her place to get off. She gently woke Avery and the two stepped off the subway onto the platform. The walked up to the street above and made their way to the house the two of them had once lived in.

As Naya stood at the iron large gates of the Victorian style house her niece and she lived in eight long years ago, she felt a tear slide down her cheek. It had taken many years, but Naya was finally reunited with the young girl she had always viewed as her own daughter. Her niece continued to hold her hand as the two of them walked through the large iron gates of the property to the house’s front yard. Naya smiled when she realized that from this day forward the two of them could live the rest of their lives out together in the place made of the landscape of their dreams.

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It was a year before Helen was released from the state prison but she had heard about her sister’s death while she was still serving her time. The news had devastated her. She had once been angry at her sister for losing sight of Avery but now she couldn’t bring herself to be angry at her anymore. For the first time in her life she was able to accept some of the blame. If she had just been a better mother to Avery she would never been taken away to live with Naya. She could have prevented the disappearance of her daughter and the death of her sister. They had told her that Naya had been driving to follow up on a sighting someone had had of her niece at a downtown café. That was when the truck hit her car and she wasn’t able to hold onto to life before the medical team of paramedics arrived.

Helen had gone through an AA program when she was at the state prison and was now sober. Today was the first real time she had had to visit her sister’s grave. She was still locked up when the family had held the funeral. Although she could not make it, her mother had visited and brought photos and news of the event. Her mother had told her to think about how her actions led to everything that happened and begged her to start turning herself around before she was met with more tragedies in her life. Helen took her mother’s words to heart and had been working hard to stay sober and employed. Shortly after being released, she started working at a small flower shop near the café her sister used to frequent. She liked working there because flowers reminded her of her sister. Naya had had her own garden when she was still alive.

She rented the same apartment her sister lived in as it had fallen unoccupied after her death. She visited the café every day in hopes that she would find some news about her daughter.

It was an early Saturday afternoon when she took a taxi out to one of the inner-city gravesites to visit her sister’s final place of rest. She was carrying a bouquet of flowers from the shop she worked in. She had made it special for this occasion, with all of her sister’s favorite candies and even a stuffed bear she knew her sister would like if she was still alive.

When she reached the cemetery, she walked along the path until she saw the row her sister’s memorial was located in. She walked along the path of headstones until she saw her sister’s name carved on a stone that read, “In memory of Naya Stevens. A loving daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.”

She placed the bouquet of flowers at the base of the grave and had a moment of silence in honor of Naya. As she stood praying over her sister’s gravestone, she heard her cell phone’s ringtone blare from her back jean pocket.

“In your house I long to be; Room by room patiently, I’ll wait for you there like a stone. I’ll wait for you there alone.”

The familiar sound of the ringtone she had set for her text message notifications cut through the silence.

She considering taking her cellphone out and silencing it but something told her not to. The ringtone continued to play into the empty spaces around her.

“And on I read until the day was gone; And I sat in regret of all the things I’ve done; For all that I’ve blessed, and all that I’ve wronged. In dreams until my death, I will wander on.”

The ringtone finished its final pass. Then a sharp buzz sounded, letting her know that a text message had just been sent and was waiting for her to view it. Helen couldn’t explain why she felt so compelled to look at her cellphone. Even though she ignored most text messages when she was doing something important she felt as though she should read whatever text message was sent her way. She pulled the cell phone out of her pocket and read the text message that had set off her cell phone’s ringtone.

The message read, “I found Avery. You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m going to make sure that she is happy from now on.”

Helen put a hand to her mouth in shock. It was a message from her sister. It was dated the exact day and hour that she had died in the accident with the truck. At that moment something clicked inside of her, a deep rooted instinct of knowing that all of her deepest fears had come to pass. She somehow understood the meaning of her sister’s last words. She wasn’t going to see Avery again; not in this plain of living. Not until she crossed over into wherever death had taken two of the most cherished people in her life.

The realization that Naya and her daughter were together gave her a mixed sense of peace and sadness. She was at peace because she knew her sister would take care of her daughter in the afterlife but she was also sad that she would never see her daughter alive in this realm of existence again.

Helen sunk to the base of her sister’s grave grasping the cell phone in her hands. She held the cell phone close to her face with her sister’s last message displayed on the screen and wept at the base of her grave for what seemed like forever.

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Vampire Epoch

The moon was full in the sky, All children, men and women were in their beds, When the strange traveler came to town, Wearing a crown of roses on her head.

Vampire Epoch

A poem by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: A creepypasta poem about a monk from ancient Ireland who gets turned into a vampire against his will.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3252034/1/Vampire-Epoch

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/Vampire-Epoch-532887151

Original Link 3: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Vampire_Epoch

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Vampire Epoch

By: Emma Lee Downs

The moon was full in the sky,
All children, men and women were in their beds,
When the strange traveler came to town,
Wearing a crown of roses on her head.

The traveler wore a dark red cape,
Uncommon for the times,
A black dress that buttoned in back,
Two wine-red boots that rose to thigh,

A burgundy ribbon in her long black hair,
A silver necklace at her nape,
That housed a ruby stone beyond compare,
Of any found in the Emerald Cape.

On her wrists she wore silver cuffs,
On her ears hung two shards of claret glass,
Her eyes were brown and filled with lust,
On her neck were three bite wounds from the past,

Like the wolves of frost and snow,
Her teeth were bared and sharp,
As she gazed upon the town below,
With ill intent in her gluttonous heart.

Though much prey rest below,
Sleeping in their mortal homes,
The traveler thought them weak to hunt,
And journeyed to the church above.

Her target was a holy man,
Who only followed God’s command.

She aimed to spill his sacred blood,
Among others of his brotherhood,
So her name would be immortalized,
Among the brethren of her kind,

For so conflicted would be a monk,
With everlasting demon soul,
Feeding on the blood of men,
That used to pay his churches’ toll,

Who had no choice but to thrive,
With the creatures of the night,
That every time God’s word he spoke,
He’d bring himself eternal woe.

The woman quickly made her way,
Up the churches’ stony path,
Until she reached the humble quarters,
Of the monk and gazed inside at last.

There she saw a flickering candle,
Burning tall and bright,
And the pious man beside his bed,
Reading scriptures into the night.

His features were fair,
His dress was modest,
He wore only a pair of russet pants,
His chest was bare,
Save his greatest treasure,
A silver cross that hung around his neck.

The woman made her presence known,
And walked through the wall of the good monk’s home.

The man did not divert his gaze,
When he asked the pale-skinned traveler,
“What business do you have,
in the town church at this hour?”

The woman frowned and coolly replied,
“That should be obvious to anyone with half a mind.”

The man’s green eyes did not leave the bible,
They followed the psalms left to right;
And this cut into the black heart of the woman,
Like a jagged, sharp-edged knife.

“Well, have you nothing to say, good monk?”

“At least stare me in the eyes,
before I lead you to
your inevitable demise.”

The monk ran his long fingers,
Through his dark brown hair,
And then held up his cross,
Leaving his neckline bare.

“My lady, I would gladly look upon thee,
if there were something worthwhile to see.”

“However, it is the scriptures that captivate me
so go drown your ambitions in the Adrian Sea.”

The woman’s eyes turned red with anger;
Her fangs grew long in the good monk’s room.

“I have heard of you before this night,
from the dark trees of the wood,
that have tried to tempt you to no avail,
and have thus allowed your kindness to prevail.”

“You are said to be the holiest man in all Europe,
and this is what brings me here tonight.”

“You think you are righteous man, but very soon,
you will become a creature of the night!”

The woman crept toward the man,
Venom dripping from her fangs,
With her arms flailing wildly about,
Like a spider ready to kill its prey.

The man did not let his gaze fall from scripture,
The source of heavens love,
As he chanted ancient verses,
To his lord in heaven above.

The woman crept near the monk,
And pushed his holy book aside,
The pages burned her pearlescent flesh,
Scaring her hands that fateful night.

The man held his cross and chanted hymns,
The woman drew closer and grabbed his neck,
She moved her cold fingers along the cord,
And snapped his last testament in half,

The cross fell and was swatted away,
The man closed his eyes and began to pray,
The woman caressed his face with seductive touch,
The man cried out for heaven’s love,
The woman gave him a fatal kiss,
The man’s body could not resist,
As the woman injected her venomous tongue,
Burning with envy, greed and lust.

The man couldn’t pull away,
His body was numb and his eyes half blind,
But he continued to recite,
The scriptures in his mind.

His frail body began to ache,
As the woman’s blood filled his veins,
But the strength of his heart,
Kept all dark thoughts at bay.

She bit his neck and spilled his blood;
It trickled to the floor like a black river.

His thirst became for her blood too,
And he bit her throat under the harvest moon.

Her blood he drank,
It coursed through his soul,
But it did not turn black,
Like her own.

She gave him pleasure and pain,
As she returned to skillfully taking the blood from his veins.

Without control he continued to bite her too,
And in the late evening,
The good monk was subdued.

Her sinister job complete,
The woman held him tenderly,
As a mother treats its newborn babe,
And sealed his wounds carefully,
With the golden crest of Cain.

She grinned to herself and waited there,
Stoking the good monk’s matted hair.

All at once he awoke with a start,
With pale skin and a reborn heart,
That thirsted for blood and his short hair grew,
To his waist where it turned to a darker hue,
Of brown and his eyes turned dark as night,
Though they were still green in the middle around the iris,
And his teeth grew to fangs long and white.

His first breaths were torment,
And he pulled his hair,
With his long white fingers,
When he saw the woman standing there.

“How could you do this to me?”

“I am a man of the lord,
and I can never touch,
my holy relics again!”

“How dare you take my cross from me,
and then my book and decency?”

“You are a monster,
a servant of Cain,
and I never want you,
in my sight again!”

The woman laughed a dark laugh,
That would have turned the purest heart to dust.

“Now you are one of us.”

“There is nothing you can do,
to satisfy your thirst,
outside killing the innocent. “

“You may try hunting animals at first,
but it is human blood you will eventually taste.”

“And once you drink mortal blood,
you shall never go back,
for there is no mercy for a man,
with a soul that’s black.”

The man picked up his cross,
Though it burned in his hand,
And told the woman to leave,
With a harsh command.

He cried out the scripture,
Though it burned in his mouth,
Until the woman left his modest house.

When the woman left he threw down the cross;
The burn almost reached his very bone.

He tried to pick up his holy book,
But it burst into flame;
Horror filled his blackened eyes,
As he put it out with his sleeping mat.

He was now the thing,
That he loathed the most;
A brother of Cain,
And no psalm could heal his soul,
From the venomous sins,
That plagued his veins.

His thirst grew wild,
He thrashed about,
He needed blood right then,
Without a doubt.

The beast within was let unleashed,
And he drank the blood of all the priests,
That had taken him in from an early age,
Before the starry night turned to day.

One after another they fell that night;
They could not fight the ravenous monster,
So they all died under the pale moonlight.

When the sun crept over the horizon,
And shone on the monastery below,
The man’s wit returned,
And he saw his blood stained home.

All of the people he had once loved were dead;
A few had been torn to shreds,
Some had been beaten beyond recognition,
And still others had severed heads.

He knew at once that he was to blame,
And he tried to take his life,
But as what happens often in fate’s cruel game,
He found irony in his strife,

For while he could freely murder the innocent,
Nothing could end his heathen life.

He knew that he couldn’t stay at his home,
Smeared with blood and sin,
So he burned the church in ceremony,
And then sought to fight the beast within.

He sought the help of a well-known priest
Whose monastery dwelled in the east.

He begged the priest to seal him away,
So he could not live to kill another day.

The priest knew of one spell,
That eternally bound the creatures of hell,
Though he warned the monk that he would forever sleep,
And that god’s kingdom he would never see.

The monk said it was just as well,
For death would bring him only hell.

The priest solemnly agreed to do the task,
And bound the man with a spell at last.

He lit seven candles big to small,
With one deadly sin inscribed on them all,
Which each represented the monk’s inner beast,
And then laid the poor monk down to sleep.

Then the monk’s body was laid to rest,
In a coffin surrounded by roses and lit incense.

One by one the candles were blown out,
And the spell was completed by a final shout,
Of the priest to God to seal the coffin away,
And the monk’s tomb was shut in the church to stay,
Forever hidden from mortal gaze.

There the monk dreamed for ages,
Of the sins he had committed in the past,
And the years crept by, one by one,
Until his story faded into legend and myth.

A hundred years later,
A woman with scarlet hair,
Journeyed to the monk’s tomb,
With a scroll of prayer.

Her complexion was fair,
Her heart was true,
Her soul shone bright,
Behind eyes of blue.

She opened the door
To the room unaware,
That the monk from the past,
Was resting there.

She had mistaken the room,
For the church’s basement,
Where she wished to return,
Her scroll to a silver casement.

She whistled a hymn from the morning sermon,
As she lit the candles one by one.

The light revealed a bare room,
Save one broken shelf and a wooden tomb.

Just when she wondered who rested there,
The monk from the past arose from his sleep,
And his gaze fell upon the maiden fair.

“What happened; is this a dream?”
He asked the trembling woman before him.

She shook her head and replied shakily,
“No, this is modern London.”

She then gained the courage to ask,
“Who are you and why are you here?”

The monk mournfully replied,
“I am here because I can never die.”

“The priest, Sir. Mathen, put me under a spell,
so I could never again do the works of hell.”

“I hoped here forever my body would lie,
but now I wish that I could have died.”

“Eternal sleep torments me,
and now heaven’s grace I will never see.”

The fair lady,
Felt pity for the man,
And she caressed his face,
With her gentle hand.

“Oh dear sir,
how sad this is,
to say that you wish
that you had never lived!”

“What is it that you could have done
that makes you want to die so much?”

“The lord forgives,
this I know,
so don’t be sad good sir,
please don’t!”

The man’s heart was stirred,
And tears came fourth,
For the gentle woman,
Was the only person in one hundred years,
That had tried to reach out to him.

He took her hands in his own,
And drew her slender body close.

“Oh precious thing,
your words are sweet,
they stir my soul and heart alike.”

“I am deeply moved that you care for me,
but I must live a cursed life,
because I have killed in cold blood,
and I do not deserve your love.”

Just then the beast within awoke,
And the monk’s eyes turned from green to red,
For he saw the woman’s veins pulsing beneath her flesh,
And sinful thoughts rushed through his head.

He gently pushed the lass aside,
And begged her to run and leave him be,
To suffer alone in solitude,
For the rest of eternity,

For he could not control the monster,
That hid beneath his immortal flesh,
But the girl refused to leave his side,
And took his hands in her own instead.

“Oh, poor creature I will help you battle,
whatever beast dwells within your tainted heart,
so let me help you and I give you my word,
that my faith in you will never part.”

The monk’s thirst grew wild but he held it back,
As the girl laid her hands upon his chest,
And prayed for his pious soul,
To be released from the icy grip of Cain.

The monk’s body felt weighted down,
And he was forced slowly to the concrete ground,
As the woman with heart brave and true,
Prayed for his soul black and crude.

Then a miracle occurred that day,
That the monk could scarce believe himself,
For an angel appeared before the girl,
And lent her heaven’s help.

The angel sung an ancient song,
That shook the beast within the monk,
And he fell to the floor hastily,
Convulsing from the shock.

The angel with silver robes,
And hair as white as winter snow,
Moved her hands above the good monk’s body,
As quick as they could go.

She smiled at the woman,
Who watched in awestruck wonder,
As she separated the bloodhound from the man,
With a flash of magic thunder.

The beast howled and growled,
And gnawed upon its own front paws,
As the angel sealed it away forevermore,
Beyond the realm of hell’s front door.

The monk gasped his first mortal breath,
That he had taken in one hundred years,
And then he proceeded to weep,
Many joyful tears,
As the angel gave a humble bow,
And then a smile filled with love,
Before returning to God’s kingdom,
In the mystic realm above

Then the young woman with scarlet hair,
Caught a glimpse of the young monk laying there.

His dark hair had turned to a beautiful blonde,
And his eyes to a frosty mint green,
The color had returned to his skin,
And had turned dark red around his cheeks.

The woman helped the monk off the ground,
And the two gazed in each other’s eyes for the first time.

The young monk stroked the woman’s hair,
And took her hands in his own,
For his happiness was more than he could contain;
The woman smiled warmly,
And gently stroked the young man’s face,
And the monk and priest’s daughter,
Fell in love that day.

The two left the church,
And settled in the countryside,
Where they both worked the land,
And were married in due time.

The monk loved the woman,
Who had saved his mortal life,
And the priest’s daughter,
I must admit, made a lovely wife.

Both were blessed,
Though both had sinned,
And were given never ending life.

As for the she beast,
Who had cursed the monk,
Five hundred years ago,
In a town in Northern Ireland,
Before the autumn leaves turned to snow,

The monk found her and all her kin,
Sealed away in unmarked tombs,
That his lovely wife had traced,
And they both later exhumed.

On a faded scroll,
Placed upon the she beast’s grave,
Were the words, “For my friend,”
Left without a date or name.

Some say it was the souls of the priests,
That the monk had killed long ago,
Who finally found their peace,
By sealing the evil in the ground below,

Still others say it was the angel,
Who helped the pious man,
By banishing all the evil spirits
To cursed and untouched lands.

But this I will leave up to you to decide,
Because the true message of this tale,
Is that where evil is present,
Good will always prevail.

Social Disconnection

Try, try, try your best, to fit in on the web, that is where your life is; you’ll live here ’til the end.

Social Disconnection

A poem by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: A creepypasta poem about not being able to disconnect from the internet.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3224758/1/Social-Disconnection

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/Social-Disconnection-496978260

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Social Disconnection

By: Emma Lee Downs

Search, search, search the web,
For friends around the world,

Meet, Meet, Meet, Meet away,
Add new friends every day.

Know, Know, Know that you,
Are part of this virtual world,

Living, laughing, working, dancing,
No need to leave the room.

Try, try, try to get away,
There’s no escaping now,

They’ve got you right where they want you,
No signing off allowed.

Try, try, try your best,
To break off from the web,

But that is where your life is,
You’ll live here ’til the end.

Don’t, don’t, don’t believe me,
Sign off anyway,

But you’ll discover that you can’t;
Your profile won’t fade.

Soon, soon, soon we all,
Will be trapped on the web,

Wanting to escape this fate,
But this we cannot mend,

Too, too, too, too late.
We’ve learned we cannot leave,

We can’t exist without this world,
We can’t even breathe.

Know, Know, Know that you,
Are part of this virtual world,

Living, laughing, working, dancing,
No need to leave the room.

Don’t, don’t, don’t fight this,
You might as well abide,

Living, laughing, working, dancing,
On the virtual side.

Try, try, try your best,
To fit in on the web,

That is where your life is,
You’ll live here ’til the end.

Parodypasta: Kuzco and Pacha vs Panic and Pain

Disney has some explaining to do.

Parodypasta Theory: Emperor Kuzco and Pacha vs. Panic and Pain

A short story by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: A parody of the theory pastas on the internet. I hope that you enjoy it.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3225121/1/Parodypasta-Theory-Emperor-Kuzco-and-Pacha-vs-Panic-and-Pain

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/Parodypasta-Kuzco-and-Pacha-vs-Panic-and-Pain-497623752

Original Link 3: http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Parodypasta_Theory:_Emperor_Kuzco_and_Pacha_vs._Panic_and_Pain

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Parodypasta Theory: Emperor Kuzco and Pacha vs. Panic and Pain

By: Emma Lee Downs

Many people are familiar with the classic Disney film The Emperor’s New Groove and the animated Disney movie classic Hercules. But what people don’t know is that Emperor Kuzco and the tall blue imp Panic are actually the same character. Pacha and fat red imp Pain are pretty much the same character as well. I don’t mean that the same voice actors that played Panic and Pain also played Kuzco and Pacha or that the character designs of Kuzco and Pacha were inspired by the familiar servants of Hades from the epic Disney film. I mean that they are literally the same characters.

First of all, there is the obvious similarity between the wise-cracking remarks made by Kuzco and Panic and Pacha and Pain. These two comedy duos also have a similar dynamic, playing off each’s other faults for laughs. Emperor Kuzco and Panic are both intelligent and have a bit of a mean streak. Pacha and Pain are both down-to-earth characters that prefer to remain low-key.

Emperor Kuzco and Panic look exactly the same, save the fact that Panic is tall, blue, and some kind of weird goblin thing. I don’t know, that was never really explained. Also, Pain looks exactly like Pacha, save the fact that Pain is red and isn’t married yet due to the fact that it was harder to get married in ancient Greece. The Gods and Goddess often liked to pick on married people, which is why a lot of people chose to be single and go on adventures to distract themselves from an entire existence of never being able to go on a date. This is where all of the great Greek legends came from. It’s amazing the things that can get done when you don’t have to worry about a significant other in your life.

Now, this all seems like a far stretch of the imagination but it isn’t as weird as some of the other theories floating around the internet. I mean have you ever read that one theory about Angelica from the Rugrats being a schizophrenic druggie? It’s a doozy. Read it if you are bored one day. Trust me when I tell you that it won’t fail to entertain. This theory makes about as much sense as that one, so give it a chance. Anyway, enough of advertising other theories which I secretly like and think everyone should read but will never admit it so I pass it off as a b-rated joke in one of my own pastas. Let’s get back to my theory which is the best and most awesome theory on the internet because it involves Disney characters.

At the end of Hercules, Hades gets sucked down into the River of Souls. Pain and Panic make the remark that he might not get out of there. It’s clear from further legends about Hades that he eventually does, but by that time, Pain and Panic were already on their way to South America to start a new life free of crime. You could tell that that wanted to turn over a new leaf at the end of Hercules due to the fact that they really didn’t care that their master was drowning in the River of Souls. In fact, it almost seemed like they kind of enjoyed watching it which kind of makes them weirdos if you ask me, but that is beside the point.

The point it that they decided to go to South America because they always wanted to know what things were like there, having never visited it since it is on the other side of the world. It took them something like a hundred years or more to reach the continent, because they kept stopping on every major continent of the world to check out the local scenery and pick up souvenirs. They would later end up losing all of the purchased goods when they reached their destination rendering the purchase of the items a complete waste of time and money.

When Pain and Panic finally reached South America a hundred or more years later (notably free of any acquired merchandise from their journey), Pain decided to change his name to Kuzco and become the leader of the Incan empire because he always wanted to know what it was like to be in charge. He poofed himself into the form of a human baby tucked neatly into a basket with the nametag ‘Kuzco’ pinned to his infant jumper. He left himself on the doorstep of the royal castle-temple-like-thing. The current Emperor and Empress picked him up after hearing all of the crying outside. After some thought, they decided to raise him as their official successor to the throne since they couldn’t have any kids of their own and his appearance at their doorstep was oddly convenient.

Panic decided to change his name to Pacha, and poof himself into the form of a human toddler. He wandered up to an old couple who owned a llama farm and were the leaders of a local village. He was adopted by them on the spot. Later, he got married to a mortal woman named Chicha. He took over one of his parent’s farms when he grew up and became the leader of another village nearby that had been run by his mother’s side of the family for six generations. When he was not running the village he worked as a humble farmer to provide for his new family. He had a few kids because he also wanted to know what it was like to be a father.

You might be wondering why it seemed like Pacha had never formally met Kuzco before at the beginning of the film if they had in fact been imp friends in the old days. This is because they had lived apart from one another for so long that they actually did kind of forget that they used to work together. They also forgot that they were once goblin-like-creatures, having lived as human beings for so long that they actually turned into them.

There are a few hints in the Emperor’s New Groove that they are in fact the same characters though. For example, when the Emperor Kuzco has a flashback to what his life used to be like before being turned into a llama, many of the scenes are similar to the way Hades acted as lord of the underworld. The only way Kuzco would know how to act like this is if he witnessed it first hand as Hades’ assistant Pain. The first time Pacha meets Kuzco in the flashback, they immediately ‘click’ like they have known each other in a previous life. Or, rather, in another time when they both worked together as Hades’ minions in the days of ancient Greece.

Another hint that they were once ethereal servants of Hades is the fact that Pacha calls Kuzco a ‘demon llama’ when he firsts meets him again in his llama form. The only way either one of them would have any knowledge of demons or similar creatures of Hades is if they had once lived there and seen them themselves. You have to remember that the Incans had their own view of the world they lived in and at that time knew nothing about western ideas of the afterlife. So the fact that they would have any shared knowledge about it is unusual.

There are also all of the slapstick-type-of-situations that Kuzco and Pacha find themselves in that are very similar to the kind of mistakes Panic and Pain would make. For example, Panic and Pain do not give every drop of the potion that is meant to take away Hercules’s powers, which allows Hercules to retain his strength and still be eligible to become a full God. Kuzco and Pacha have all sorts of misadventures on route to returning Kuzco to his palace. Misadventures that a seasoned famer who knows the land very well, and a well-educated Emperor who although arrogant, should be familiar with the layout of his kingdom, both should not have.

Finally, there is the obvious similarity between Yzma’s character and Hades’ character. Besides having very similar character designs, they both are powerful magic users who use potions as one of the main ways to wreak havoc on their enemies. There is also the interesting way they view authority figures; something they roll their eyes at and put up with until such an opportunity arises to take their positions from them. It could very well be that Yzma is actually Hades in disguise, whose real purpose is to reclaim his to minions and return to the underworld.

However, Hades (as Yzma) does not succeed in killing Kuzco or Pacha (thus sending them back to the underworld to be his minions) and turns into a cat instead. He is stuck like this for quite some time until he changes back to his original form some time later, decides that getting his minion is more trouble than it is worth, and returns to the underworld.

This leaves Kuzco and Pacha free to live as humans for the rest of their days. They would go on to star in a television series and movie sequel that no one really ever cared to watch because neither story followed the cannon of the original movie. Also, people had already moved on to better Disney themed adventures such as the long list of crappy sequels that followed their releases.

Hades rolled his eyes at this, appearing in the television series as Yzma whenever his agent told him to. He still managed to get the reformed Pain and Panic back at the end of the day though, since they had turned into mortals and eventually had to die. He found them rather useless in their human forms as they didn’t have any special powers and had forgotten that they were ever his minions to begin with. He immediately sent them into the River of Souls along with the souls of all of their mortal family members while he laughed manically from the cliff overlooking them, bringing everything full-circle.

Parodypasta: Cursed Yu-Gi-Oh Deck

If you ever see an impossibly good Yu-Gi-Oh deck at a used bookstore, that seems to be on sale, make sure for your own well-being that it doesn’t have the infamous words, “This deck is haunted. Lol. Sucks to be you.” Printed on the cards.

Parodypasta: Cursed Yu-Gi-Oh Deck

A short story by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: A small parody of the cursed object creepypastas out there. I hope that you enjoy it.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3224611/1/Parodypasta-Cursed-Yu-Gi-Oh-Deck

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/Parodypasta-Cursed-Yu-Gi-Oh-Deck-496715341

Original Link 3: http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Cursed_Yu-Gi-Oh_Deck

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Parodypasta: Cursed Yu-Gi-Oh Deck

By: Emma Lee Downs

There is a cursed Yu-Gi-Oh deck out there that will bring misfortune to anyone who owns it. The way you can tell it apart from other sets in the franchise is that every card has a line of text written somewhere under their description that reads, “This deck is haunted. Lol. Sucks to be you.”

If you receive this deck, immediately bring it to a used book store as this is the only place it will accept being dropped off at. Should you actually manage to sell or trade it to another source while it is in your possession, it will reappear in your home and start to cause trouble for you again within three hours. It will also start to harass your neighbors who will blame you for the pranks the card set plays on them. That is why it is important to trade it in or sell it at your local used bookstore before its antics get out of hand.

Also, don’t attempt to bless the deck or rid it of its dark energy as it will just laugh at you and spit tomato juice in your face. This Yu-Gi-Oh deck was created by the black magic of the Illuminati Wizards to get back at the Freemasons for not inviting them to a company BBQ in 1998. They created the deck by taking the best cards currently owned by members of the organization, sticking them in a large black cauldron filled with dry ice, and stirring the cards around while singing the Pokémon theme song.

This blatant disrespect for the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise (which isn’t like Pokémon in the least), summoned the spirit of a game genie who began to lecture them on the differences between the franchises. While the game genie was distracted, the Illuminati Wizards said an incantation that trapped it in the deck of cards.

The game genie swore to seek revenge on anyone who dared to own the deck as it was angry about being trapped inside the card set against its will. With that, the Illuminati Wizards gave the Freemasons the deck at a Christmas gift exchange party. The Freemasons blindly accepted the gift, as it is well known that they like collecting all sorts of card games such as Magic the Gathering, Pokémon, and Munchkin.

It wasn’t until they decided to use the deck in their annual Yu-Gi-Oh dueling competition that they learned of the dark powers the cards possessed. The set always made them lose a duel, no matter how good their cards were. The game genie also played pranks on anyone who got near the deck. It was clear that the unholy power of the cursed object was out of control.

The Freemasons tried to send the deck back to the Illuminati Wizards with a note of apology for not inviting them to the company BBQ after they learned about the reason the Illuminati had sent the deck in the first place. However, the deck would always come back within three hours of sending it off and continue to play pranks on the Freemasons.

It was only by chance that the Freemasons were able to get rid of the deck, when a member named Brother Yom accidentally traded it with some other items at a local bookstore. When the deck didn’t come back they were so happy to be rid of it that they hosted a game night and of course made sure to invite the Illuminati Wizards. They had learned their lesson. From that moment on, they would never forget to invite the Illuminati Wizards to another company event again.

Today the Yu-Gi-Oh deck travels from one used bookstore to the next, haunting anyone who is unlucky enough to take it home with them. It pranks its owner endlessly, and often murmurs bad jokes or puns to itself when it is not being used. It also causes its owner to lose at every card game or tabletop game they attempt to play while in possession of the card set. Eventually, it makes various game pieces go missing from any other game set the person owns, making it impossible to play any other game but Yu-Gi-Oh. This forces the owner to use the haunted Yu-Gi-Oh deck which will never let them win a match, even if they have the perfect hand.

Many people have tried to free the spirit of the game genie in order to be left with an epic Yu-Gi-Oh card deck, as it happens to be the best collection of game cards ever put into a single deck. However, the game genie decided a long time ago that it enjoys pulling pranks on people way too much and always sabotages any attempt to send it home.

That is why it always ends up back at a used bookstore, ready to haunt the next unsuspecting person who buys it thinking they got the deal of the century, as it is always on the shelf at a discounted price.

So if you ever see an impossibly good Yu-Gi-Oh deck at a used bookstore, that seems to be on sale, make sure for your own well-being that it doesn’t have the infamous words, “This deck is haunted. Lol. Sucks to be you.”Printed on the cards. For if those words are present and you bring the card set home unaware of their dark power, you will become another victim of its twisted sense of humor, bad puns, and endless pranks.

Parodypasta: The Most Horrible Curse ZOMG TM

If you are a weirdo who likes to place curses on other people for no apparent reason then this guide is for you.

Parodypasta: The Most Horrible Curse in the Universe ZOMG TM

A short story by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: A parody of the do-it-yourself-curse creepypastas out there. I hope that you enjoy it.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3224550/1/Parodypasta-The-Most-Horrible-Curse-in-the-Universe-ZOMG-TM

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/Parodypasta-The-Most-Horrible-Curse-ZOMG-TM-496627047

Original Link 3: http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Most_Horrible_Curse_in_the_Universe_ZOMG_TM

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Parodypasta: The Most Horrible Curse in the Universe ZOMG TM

By: Emma Lee Downs

You might have heard of a curse called ‘The Most Horrible Curse in the Universe ZOMG TM’ from your friends at school or maybe from your officemates at your job. If you are a weirdo who likes to place curses on other people for no apparent reason then this guide is for you. It will help you to become even more of a social outcast because people will fear your curse casting abilities. If it doesn’t bother you that possessing the knowledge of this curse will pretty much get you excluded from every social gathering for the rest of your life, then read on.

First I will tell you what the curse does, hoping that if you know the effects it has when you cast it, you will pick up a better hobby like playing videogames or building model airplanes. The moment you cast ‘The Most Horrible Curse in the Universe ZOMG TM’ you will notice that your skin will turn a dingy green color. Don’t worry, this is only a temporary side effect and should go away within an hour of placing the curse. Next you will notice that you will pass gas for at least twenty-four hours nonstop. This is also normal and you will literally run out of gas the next day. Pun very much intended.

Keep in mind that during the time you are breaking wind, the smell will be so horrible that it might cause the people around you to pass out. If you are okay with this, just stand wherever you please and toot away. However, if you don’t find this amusing, be sure to keep to yourself until the full twenty-four hours have passed. The next day you will notice that your fingernails will turn a grimy yellow color. This is due to the fungus that the curse has shoved between each of your fingernails. Whatever you do, DO NOT remove the fungus. If you remove it, the curse will be broken and you will be cursed to have bad gas for seven years. The fungus will go away on its own at the end of the day so there is no need to remove it.

On the third day, provided you have followed all of the rules, the curse will take effect. Whoever you have placed the curse on will grow really big feet, a pair of bucked teeth, and a set of goat horns. They will also have really bad breath, smell like recycled yard sale goods, and only be able to communicate in outdated lingo from the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. Because of this, everyone they speak to will think they are lame and hang out with the more popular individuals in their social group. They will find some solace by connecting to other cursed goat people who have had the same curse placed on them by looking them up on online dating websites like The Goat Connection or the goat version of Facebook called BaaBook. However, should they get married to another goat person, all of their children will be weird duck/ human hybrids because of the laws of psychics.

Strangely, the duck/human hybrids will have normal human babies if they get married to other duck people or even if they get married to humans, because of the complicated rules of genetics. In this way, the curse will be broken by the third generation provided that the goat person chooses to get married and their children choose to get married. However, if the goat person chooses to feel sorry for themselves and never hooks up with anyone, they will be a loner goat who remains that way until they die. The same rule applies to the duck people. There is absolutely no way to break this curse except for getting married and waiting for the third generation to be normal which is why it is ‘The Most Horrible Curse in the Universe ZOMG TM’. They don’t just give things like this these kinds of titles for their own health, you know.

If all of this hasn’t convinced you to not cast this curse on someone and you still wish to attempt it then…dang. You need some serious therapy. But that aside, here are steps of how you cast this curse on the people of your choosing. First you need to get a bucket and fill it with equal parts water and JELLO mix. You may need to use several packages of JELLO mix to make sure the powder fills half of the bucket. This shouldn’t be a problem though as most stores practically give boxes of JELLO away due to the fact that it’s weird and jiggles when no one is looking. Once you have the bucket filled with equal parts of water and JELLO mix, stir it until all of the JELLO mix is dissolved into the water while chanting, “Moogle, moogle, moogle, moogle, sheep, moogle, duck” at least three times.

Once the mix is dissolved and you have finished chanting the words above, stand in the bucket and flap your arms like a duck five times while making goat noises. Then point your right hand toward the sky and call out the names of the people you want to place the curse on. Call out their names seven times each and then flap your arms like a chicken, bark like a dog, and get out of the bucket. When you leave the bucket, immediately dump its contents out somewhere like on the grass in the backyard and then clap your hands three times.

Provided that you have followed all of these steps, the curse will be placed on the people you mentioned during the ritual. All of the signs that you have casted the curse correctly mentioned earlier will appear. You must make sure that all of the steps of the curse are followed at all costs or you will end up placing the curse on yourself. There is also the risk of turning yourself into a frog or toad if you don’t use cherry flavored JELLO for the ritual or a solid metal bucket. Make sure that you say all of the words in the ritual exact amount of times or you will be forced to watch reruns of the Teletubbies for at least a week against your will.

Now you know how to cast ‘The Most Horrible Curse in the Universe ZOMG TM,’ the most dangerous and creepy curse of them all. Before you go off to curse all of the people you don’t like, just remember that they have probably read this article and they also know how to cast this curse on YOU. So go ahead and get that much needed therapy and start making LOTS of friends, or you just might end up becoming the curse’s next victim.

Parodypasta: League of Creepypasta Supervillains

In every major city in the world there is an old abandoned warehouse that is home to the local League of Creepypasta Supervillains.

Parodypasta: The League of Creepypasta Supervillains

A short story by Emma Lee Downs.

Summary: In every major city in the world there is an old abandoned warehouse that is home to the local League of Creepypasta Supervillains. Join the story’s antiheroes as they attend the annual League evaluation and comedy ensues.

Original Link 1: https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3224443/1/Parodypasta-The-League-of-Creepypasta-Supervillains

Original Link 2: http://lyraalluse.deviantart.com/art/Parodypasta-League-of-Creepypasta-Supervillains-496475792

Original Link 3: http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/League_of_Creepypasta_Supervillains

Original Link 4: http://www.creepypasta.com/the-league-of-creepypasta-supervillains

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Parodypasta: The League of Creepypasta Supervillains

By: Emma Lee Downs

Introduction:

In every major city in the world there is an old abandoned warehouse that is home to the local League of Creepypasta Supervillains. This league varies depending on the location, but today we going to focus on a very special league that makes its home in Burlington, Vermont. This supervillain group is composed of some of the very well-known villains on the internet including Jeff the Killer, Slenderman, Jane The Killer, Black Eyes Kids, and the organization leader, Ben (Drowned).

Today we join our antiheroes as they attend the annual League evaluation. You see, to stay in the LOCS, each member has to prove that they are scary enough to be part of the organization. If they can’t prove their worth, they are moved to the League’s sister organization, the Alliance of Trollpasta Supervillains. Once there they must undergo thorough training in the scary arts until they are creepy enough to be accepted back into the League again.

As the head of the Burlington League, Ben (Drowned) is issuing all of the tests on this fine Halloween Eve. And so another year of evaluations is set to take place.

The Evaluation:

Ben (Drowned) Looked over his recruits with an obvious look of distain. He always hated evaluation day because his group of supervillains always barely made the cut. He shook his head as he paced back and forth in front of them.

“Well it’s that time of year again when I have to put you maggots to the test. Of all the supervillains I could have received from headquarters I got you sorry pathetic excuses for creepypasta terrors. Did you know that the London branch has Jack the Ripper? As in the real guy? And what do I get stuck with? You rejects! You better have improved since the last evaluation or being transferred to the AOTS will be the least of your worries. Do you understand?”

All of the members said, “Sir, yes sir!” in unison except for Slendy who held up a sign that said the same thing as he didn’t have a mouth to speak with. Ben (Drowned) sighed and put a clipboard he was holding to eye-level so he could read the names of the members he had to evaluate first. When he read it he grumbled something to himself and then said louder, “Black Eyed Kids, I need you to step forward now!”

There were many BEKs in the world as they were the unfulfilled souls of children and teenager so naturally each organization had a few. In this particular branch there were four: Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde each named after the Pac Man ghosts by headquarters as they had long forgotten their original names. Ben (Drowned) felt this was a mockery of his organization by headquarters as his branch held the bottom of the barrel supervillains. But since it was an order from above, there wasn’t much he could do about it. This added to his annoyance over his position in the organization. He was part of the Zelda franchise for God’s sake. Couldn’t they cut him some slack?

At the moment Ben (Drowned) was thinking of renegotiating his contract with Headquarters the BEKS stepped forward, each staring at him with their soulless black eyes. Ben (Drowned) was unfazed. Their eyes might have been soulless but the way they were placed on the children made them look more like oversized Precious Moments dolls than anything else. He tapped his fingers against the clipboard and gave each one a glance up and down.

“You BEKS are as lame as ever I see,” he began, noting that they had updated their clothing to reflect the latest trends among adolescents, preteens, and teens.

“But I won’t hold your apparent lack of ghost apparel against you as you have other assets to work with like, oh I don’t know, THE THING YOU WERE NAMED AFTER.”

At this he got in the face of each one and yelled, “What the heck is with those cute eyes, huh? You are supposed to be terrors of the night, not some anime Chibi rejects!”

The BEKS immediately changed their eyes to something more fitting their description and then they each said in unison, “Sir, yes sir!”

Ben (Drowned) grunted.

“That’s more like it. Now, each one of you will give me a report of your best scare of the year. I will start with…Inky.”

Inky, a BEK with long black hair and a blue baseball cap gave a salute and stepped forward.

“Sir, yes sir. I will now tell you about my best scare, sir!”

Ben (Drowned) rubbed his temples, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to hear.

“Just get on with it.”

Inky nervously shuffled in place.

“Eh…Yes sir. Well last Tuesday I think I really scared this kid who was at the supermarket with his mom. But then I felt kind of bad so I invited him over to my place to play a game of hide and seek with the other BEKS. His mom was kind of getting worried though so I brought him back without his memories and put him somewhere the mom could find him. But you could tell she was really worried when he was gone. I must have given her the scare of the century! I did good this time boss, didn’t I?”

Inky’s look of enthusiasm was met with a deadpan expression from Ben (Drowned).

“That has to be THE LAMEST excuse for a ghost story I have heard since…well the last time you gave me a report. Get back in formation before I get angry.”

Inky gave a quick salute and scrambled back to the lineup.

Ben (Drowned) let out a heavy sigh and called the next recruit forward.

“Blinky, it’s your turn to report. I hope your story will be more thrilling than the last.”

The BEK wearing a red baseball cap with short, wavy black hair stepped forward.

“Yes sir! I think you will be pleased with my report. A few weeks ago I morphed my body into the shape of a professor and taught a class about parasites! You should have seen how scared the students were when they left. Even I was a bit grossed out by the topic. I think this is my best scare yet!”

Ben (Drowned) glared at the recruit for a few moments in silence, letting his disapproval of Blinky’s antics sink in.

Then he barked, “I am not sure how you managed to beat the complete and utter lack terror present in the last story, but somehow you did. In fact that story was so bad, that I am almost inclined to say it is good out of sheer irony. Now get back in the lineup and reflect on being a better ghost will you?”

Blinky nodded furiously and then got back in formation.

Ben (Drowned) sat looking at the next name on the list for a few moments before continuing on. He considered not calling her name at all as he was certain she had nothing valuable to report but he knew that would be against the rules of headquarter so he called her forward anyway.

“Pinky, get out here and tell me about your progress. I say progress because I know for a fact you haven’t been terrorizing anyone. Well, give a report anyway.”

Pinky, a BEK with shoulder length black hair parted into two braids which sat on each side of her face and wearing a pink baseball cap stepped forward.

“Yay, I love story time!”

Ben (Drowned) rolled his eyes.

“Unfortunately, I know this all too well. Get on with it.”

Pinky grinned.

“A few days ago, I went to the arcade and played DDR with a group of teenagers. It was so much fun! I managed to hide my eyes pretty good too. One guy even said I was pretty. I might have a boyfriend! Of course he will need to get over the whole me being a ghost thing. But anything is possible with true love, wouldn’t you agree? I am so excited to introduce him to the other BEKs. I’m inviting him over for a gaming day at my place next week.”

Ben (Drowned) let out a heavy sigh.

“I would tell you to stop dating the people you are supposed to scare, but I’ve given up on trying to teach you any kind of common sense. It’s not worth the effort. Just…just get back in line before I say things I don’t mean.”

Pinky said, “Okay!” And then giggled as she skipped back into formation.

Ben (Drowned) look down at his clipboard trying to ignore the pinching sensation beginning to form at the sides of his temples which he feared might be another stress induced headache coming on.

“Alright, I saved the best for last. And I use that word in the context of the rest of you of course who have somehow managed to do worse than when you reported to me last year. This is a feat I thought was impossible. But oh how I was proved wrong. Clyde, please tell me that you have at least one thing noteworthy to report. Just one thing.”

The BEK in question, who had short spiky black hair and wore an orange baseball cap, stepped forward.

“I’ve got a good one for you sir!”

Ben (Drowned) remained expressionless.

“Oh how the word ‘good’ has lost its meaning to me over the years of working with you people. In case, do carry on.”

Clyde gave a sideways grin.

“This one is a killer. You see, a few weeks ago, I made myself look like an obese plumber and I stormed into the girl’s dressing room of a high school. To add to the effect I told them that I needed to fix a leaky faucet. I think some plumbers crack was visible in the back of my getup too which added to the overall creepiness. They all screamed upon seeing my fat, harry, sweaty plumber form. Of course I think a lot of it was due to the fact that I was a guy in the girl’s locker room. But let me tell you, they all were running and screaming within minutes of me going in. It was great!”

Ben (Drowned) had to physically keep himself from tossing the clipboard on the floor in front of him and storming away from the group of rejects in defeat.

After taking a few deep healing breaths he thought long and hard about what he was going to tell the BEKs.

Then he leaned in close to each one and shouted, “Somehow each of you has managed to get the lowest scare rankings in the history of our organization. The ONLY reason this surprises me is because I really didn’t think you could do worse than the last time, but your latest adventures have really taken the cake. You’ve all earned yourselves one way passes to the Alliance of Trollpasta Supervillains unless you can think of one good reason why I should torture myself by keeping you here!”

Pinky giggled and twirled the end of one of her braids around her fingers.

“Oh, I know. We recruited more members. Doesn’t that give us an automatic pass no matter what?”

Ben (Drowned) nodded.

“Unfortunately…yes. That is how you sorry excuses for creatures of the night end up passing your test every year and continuing to annoy me with your presences in this organization. As a formality I am going to tell you how to improve, although I doubt any amount of advice I give will be of any help to you.”

“Sir, yes sir!” They said in unison, eager to receive their evaluations.

Ben (Drowned) mumbled some words under his breath and then pointed at Inky.

“I’ll start with You! When you haunt kids and take them away, DON’T BRING THEM BACK. I don’t care how sad or lonely they are. That is ghost lesson number one.”

“Yes sir!” Said Inky, happy to receive her orders from the boss.

Ben (Drowned) put a checkmark next to her name and then pointed at Blinky.

“As for you, giving educational lessons to the youth is NOT IN YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION! Next time, turn into your ghost form and scare kids the way you are supposed to. Do you understand?”

Blinky gave an earnest salute.

“Sir, yes sir!” He said and then wrote down the advice on how he could improve on a small notepad he had brought to the meeting.

Ben (Drowned) put a checkmark next to his name and then pointed to Pinky.

“And as for you…I don’t even know where to begin. There is so much wrong with your approach to scarring people that I wouldn’t have enough time to list everything. But you can start by scaring kids and STOP TRYING TO DATE THEM. Are we clear on this?”

Pinky let out an exasperated sigh.

“Fine. I’ll cancel my date with Travis. He probably wouldn’t understand that I’m a ghost anyway.”

Ben (Drowned) put a mark next to Pinky’s name and then pointed to Clyde.

“Last but certainly not least, is you. Out of this entire group of BEK idiots you have the most potential. But your approach is always wrong. Let me just inform you, that walking into the girl’s locker room disguised as a fat plumber is NOT SCARY IN THE LEAST. Next time, appear in the locker room in your ghost form and I don’t know, add in some wailing sounds or something for effect. Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“No sir! I’ll do better next time sir!” He said, after giving a quick salute.

Ben (Drowned) checked his notes to make sure they would meet the organization’s approval and then turned back to face the members of his branch with a large frown on his face.

“Although I would like to believe that you idiots will follow my advice, I have my doubts. Now I will move onto the next evaluation before my headache gets any worse.”

He looked at the next name on the list and then said, “Jeff The Killer, please step forward and tell me your best scare of the year. Hurry up. I don’t have all day.”

Jeff stepped forward and stared at Ben (Drowned) with his yellow, lidless eyes.

“Sir, yes sir! Jeffy The Killer is reporting in.”

Ben (Drowned) took a good look at Jeff from top to bottom and then rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger. His headache was getting worse by the second and he still had a long way to go.

“I have told you this multiple times, Jeff. Stop wearing clown makeup. And stop making your body appear white to add to the effect. If you look like a clown, you character will be too similar to the joker and the organization doesn’t want another lawsuit on their hands.”

Jeff stuck out his lower lip in a pouting motion.

“Aww, why so serious?”

Ben (Drowned) promptly smacked Jeff over the head with his clipboard.

“And that’s another thing; stop using the Joker’s catchphrases. It is going to get us in trouble with DC comics. Do you understand?”

Jeff shrugged and snapped his fingers. No sooner had he done so, all of the clown pain melted away. However, the white ghostly complexion still remained. Ben (Drowned) tapped his foot impatiently.

“You’ve gotten rid of the clown makeup. Now the pasty, white completion has got to go. Come on. Stop wasting all of our time.”

Jeff let out a sigh and snapped his fingers again. His skin turned into a pale blue color with darkened edges.

“I like my white skin though, Benny. I would only do this for you.”

Ben (Drowned) shot Jeff a look.

“Do NOT call me Benny. You know that I hate that. Now, get on with telling me about your best scare of the year.”

Jeff laughed manically and then said, “Oh this is a good one. It will put all of the other reports to shame, I can guarantee that!”

Ben (Drowned) huffed.

“Yes, well I’ll be the judge of that. Go on.”

Jeff rubbed his hands together as if he was plotting something wicked and then said, “Three months ago I snuck into a man’s house and starting making ghostly noises. You know, the door slamming. The floorboards creaking. All of the standard stuff. I did this every night for a month. Then I started letting him hear the unsettling noises during the day, everywhere he went. The guy thought he had lost his mind! Then at the last minute I appeared and told him to Go To Sleep. Unfortunately, he was completely crazy by then so for some reason he thought I was funny. I ended up being his personal jester for a few weeks until they carted him off to the loony bin. But before that, he really was scared. You should have seen the look on his face hearing the same creepy noises night after night. It was classic!”

Ben (Drowned)’s expression remained unchanged.

“So you mean to tell me that your biggest accomplishment this year is helping to push an already mentally disturbed person off the deep end? Oh but it doesn’t end there. Your victim thought you were funny. They even sounded like they enjoyed getting carted away to the funny farm. It isn’t our job to entertain crazy people! Get back in formation right now so I can give you your full evaluation.”

Jeff cocked his head to one side.

He muttered, “Hmm…I thought it was a good one for sure,” before floating back to his space in line next to the other organization members.

Ben (Drowned) stared Jeff down and roared, “You barely passed this year’s evaluation on account of the fact that your approach was creative. But like usual, your execution was WAY OFF. You are a mascot pasta. Your job is to scare your victims; not drive them to the loony bin. And you certainly don’t entertain them for laughs. Do you understand?”

Jeff brought his head up from its sideways pose and gave a lazy salute.

“Whatever you say Benny.”

Ben (Drowned) Smacked Jeff with his clipboard again and then checked Jeff’s name off of the list.

“I told you not to call me that. Anyway, off to the next member. Let’s see here…”

Jeff glanced at the next name and turned pale. It was the first time since the meeting started that he genuinely felt intimidated. He tried not to let his discomfort show as he called the next name.

“Jane The Killer, please step forward.”

Jane slinked forward from the lineup of organization members, giggling insanely as she went.

“I like it when it’s my turn to play.” She said between crazed chuckles.

Ben (Drowned) cleared his throat.

“Well, you aren’t really here to play, are you? Just give me a summary of the best scary thing you’ve done this year so we can get this meeting over with.”

Jane giggled some more and then said, “Before I came to the meeting, I set all of your houses on fire. I liked watching them slowly burn to ash one by one. I felt that it went well with that old kid’s song, so I sung along as the houses burned. Ring around the rosie, Pockets full of poesies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down. See, see how well it goes? It was ever so delightful. Judging by the way all of you are looking at me right now, I think I did a good job of scarring people. That should give me an automatic pass for sure.”

Ben (Drowned) remained silent as he immediately took out his cellphone to dial in a 5-8 emergency. Two men in suits showed up in front of him a few minutes later and waited for further instruction.

Ben pointed toward where the company houses were located with a grim look on his face.

“Jane set the organization housing units on fire. Get all of the personnel gathered and fix the problem as quickly as possible. Use supernatural building techniques if necessary. I expect a complete rebuild by the end of the meeting.”

The two men saluted and ran off to gather more men to complete the task. With the immediate problem solved, Ben (Drowned) instructed Jane to get back in line and await her evaluation. Jane complied, laughing insanely as she went.

Ben (Drowned) shot Jane a look and yelled, “You crazy little pop tart. You are full aware that it is against organization policy to scare or harm fellow LOCS members. That little stunt of yours has surely earned you a one way ticket to the Alliance of Trollpasta Supervillains. That is unless by some miracle you can think of way to redeem yourself.”

Jane was silent for a few minutes, enjoying the extreme fear she had driven into the hearts of her fellow teammates.

Ben (Drowned) impatiently tapped his fingers against the main face of his clipboard.

“I’m waiting.”

Jane gave a creepy smile and said, “I recruited a new member a few days ago. She is my new special friend. According to organization rules, that means I get an automatic pass. Here she is!”

Jane held up the famous haunted Ragedy Anne doll Annabell. Annabell gave a salute with one of her patchwork arms.

Ben (Drowned) shook his head.

“I don’t even want to know how you managed to get your hands on that…thing. Very well. As Annabell will probably up the scary level of our organization, you get a pass by recommendation. But don’t you ever pull a crazy stunt like that on fellow organization members again. Have I made myself clear?”

Jane giggled.

“Oh I won’t cause any more trouble for the organization. Annabell and I will be too busy making new friends.”

The thought of Annabell and Jane causing trouble together sent a chill up Ben’s spine. He shook off the feeling as he placed a check next to Jane’s name and moved on to evaluate the last member on the list.

“Slenderman, it is your turn.”

Slenderman came floating forward from the lineup, his back tentacles moving in all directions as he went.

Ben (Drowned) gave him a look up and down and rolled his eyes.

“You are still wearing that suit, I see. How many times do I have to tell you that dressing like that does not make you look intimidating?”

Slendy held up a sign that read, “It makes me look stylish.”

Ben (Drowned) let out a heavy sigh.

“Well headquarters doesn’t really impose a dress code, so I can’t fault you on wanting to keep up with the latest fashion trends.”

Upon mentioning fashion, the BEKs all giggled in the line.

“Anyways,” Ben (Drowned) continued, “Get on with telling me about your best scare of the year so we can end this meeting and all go home. Well that is provided the organization cleanup team has fixed the company houses by then.”

He shot Jane a look after saying that, who simply chuckled and started to brush Annabell’s hair.

Slendy nodded and held up various signs which together spelled out his story.

All together the signs read, “You are going to love my story. Four months ago, I snuck into the theater four times and watched all the latest releases for free. Last week I double parked my bike on the way back from giving candy to children at the park. On many different occasions I jay walked right in front of the cops. Of course they couldn’t see me as I was in invisible at the time, but I still did it. I even…”

Slendy paused for dramatic effect and then held up some other signs that read, “Didn’t show up for work! You know because I took that office job as a hobby. Isn’t my social disobedience scary?”

Ben (Drowned) pinched the bridge of his nose, deep in thought about what he should say next. His headache was almost reaching a nuclear level at this point. After taking a few calming breaths, he walked up to Slenderman and shouted, “You are a creepypasta mascot like Jeff. Your job isn’t to be a rebel on your days off. It is to scare people. I don’t care how you do it…I don’t even want to know what you are doing until next year’s evaluation. My heart wouldn’t be able to take any more bad scary stories until that time. But however you figure out how to scare people…do it! Now get back in line so I can give you your full report.”

Slenderman held up a sign that said, “K den,” and floated back into line next to his other teammates.

Ben (Drowned) towered over Slendy and barked, “The next time you are at the theater, scare the people watching the movies while you are there! While you are double parking your bike or jaywalking scare any police officer you come across! When you are at the park, strike terror into the hearts of children; DO NOT GIVE THEM CANDY. While you are working at your office job, take some time to intimidate your office mates. It isn’t that hard to figure out but I’ve spelled it out for you. Do you think you can do those simple tasks at the very least? Huh?”

Slenderman nodded furiously and held up a sign that said, “I’ll do my best.”

Ben (Drowned) rubbed his temples and put a check next to Slenderman’s name before continuing on.

“Once again, you barely passed your evaluation. The only reason you passed is on the promise of improvement. You better work hard to scare some people or I am shipping you off to the Alliance of Trollpasta Supervillains for extra training. Do you understand me?”

Slendy held up a sign that said, “Sir, yes sir!”

Ben (Drowned) took out some headache suppressant medication he kept in his pocket and downed a few pills before continuing on.

Once he started the pills to take effect he said, “Your evaluations are over. You are free to take the rest of the day off or oh, I don’t know, actually go out and scare some people.”

Ben (Drowned)’s cell phone vibrated. He answered the call, made some confirmation noises, and then flipped it close, ending the call before turning to face the recruits again.

“It looks like all of the company houses have been rebuilt. You are now also free to return home if you like. So all that being said, this seventh annual evaluation meeting of the League of Creepy Supervillains is officially closed.”

The organization members all gave a final salute and then wandered off to either take the rest of the day off, head home, or work on their various scaring techniques.

Ben (Drowned) watched them all leave, the headache starting to fade if only a little bit. The only highlight of that entire ordeal was that the organization had gained a somewhat credible member in Annabell. He would call her into the office and take care of her paperwork later.

For now he just wanted to forget everything that had just taken place. He returned to his company home, popped in the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and used it to connect with another Zelda player somewhere in the world. As the player made their way to the Happy Mask Salesman, Ben popped up behind him in his ghost form and said, “help me. I…am Ben.” Ben watched as the player dropped his controller and screamed. He smiled. It was the perfect end to any meeting.